I Got Into Dogwalking The Same Way

So what was the catalyst for me to donate sperm in the first place? Glad you asked. The short answer is money. The long answer is paranoia.

End of January 2013 I went over to a friends' party for drinks and nibbles. And, as these events tend to go, I was offered drugs. Don't think ill of me - I'm no great drugs enthusiast. If offered at a social event I likely wouldn't refuse, but I'm not of the mindset as many of my friends have been of 'You know, I could really go for some drugs right now'. It's a rare treat, like watching children's TV, or eating pigeon. 

Anyway, flash-forward to me getting home and the drugs comedown was treating me very badly. I was left rather sleepless and paranoid for much of the rest of the weekend. The paranoia hit at its worst at three separate points, each about two hours apart as I tried to sleep. These moments of despair were related to different topics - love life, work life, money worries - and lasted only a few increasingly gloomy moments until I snapped out of them into a better mood.

It was the middle one, about money worries, which I was inspired to leap out of bed and get online seeking employment. Jobs applied for, a Google search for quick money near my location lead to a number of possibilities. Most were impossible (Rent your parking space!), unappealing (Become a dogwalker!), or too desperate to contemplate seriously (Sell your hair for use as wigs for chemotherapy patients!). But also in amongst them - sell your sperm! The paranoia about money went of the window, and paranoia about being a thirty-year old single with no future kicked in.

Maybe I should give sperm, I thought - gets the family genes passed on, with no messy relationship or responsibility necessary. Plus the very generous £35 they were offering per donation (what an advance from the twenty odd quid they offered the teenage me!) wasn't to be ignored, neither.

With what little sense I had left in my head I filled in the website's contact form, and went to sleep.

Metrosexual

Let's jump back to my teenage years. But let's not stay there long, as they were awful.

It's the start of the 2000s, I'd just started attending a college and, to say the least, was socially pretty awkward. Also, pretty broke. Often my school lunchtimes were spent in the college library scouring the Media Guardian for job ads for which I would inevitably fail to be qualified.

The Metro was and remains a weird little beast. A free London paper halfway between the National Enquirer and those local papers which are half articles about protesting parks closure and half full page ads for sex clubs and chatlines.

The Metro was a little lax about its advertising policies back then and so accordingly also had ads for sex chatlines, 'Gentlemen's Clubs', dubious psychics - all things good for a giggle. They also had one for sperm donation.

Now this is enough to make a broke student stop giggling. I may not have been qualified for much, I did know one thing - I had sperm, lots of it. And they were offering something like £20 a time!

Picture the dream life of a student - one feels horny so gets on a tube to London Bridge (for this is where the advert said they were based), wanks oneself off, and collects £20 for the pleasure. And if you're a student as horny and unsatisfied as I was, payment could range into three figures a day. The high life indeed.

Well, this remained nothing beyond a dream. I realised perhaps selling sperm wasn't the most illustrious way to start a career, and forgetting the whole notion I went back to bedroom socks and non-payment. Well, not quite forgetting - there were a few self-inflicted orgasms around that time after which I thought "Well, that could have been £20". Thankfully this stocktaking soon passed.

No, the whole idea was forgotten - until…

Become A Sperm Donor Donor

A bit premature - and that's not a word I want to use often on this blog - but if you enjoy my writings feel free to to throw some money my way. You get nothing for your money bar a sense of satisfaction.

   

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You ca also follow me on Twitter – http://twitter.com/cashinhandblog

Won't be much there, just notifications when the blog is updated and the occasional odd retweet about sperm. Do follow, and feel free to interact and retweet. And please promote my blog for me! I obviously can’t do it on my personal Twitter or Facebook or else that’s the whole idea of anonymity out the window.

Welcome To My Next Three To Six Months

19th March 2013 I had an appointment with a councillor to talk over and straighten out any issues I may have had with a recent endeavour. At some point during the session she asked me what I did, and amongst other things I must have let slip about being a writer. “So monetize this – write a blog,” was her response.

So here we are. I’m writing a blog about about my recent decision to become a sperm donor.

Although it’s not really donating, as they pay a fee for every successful deposit. That’s why this blog is called Cash In Hand. But we’ll talk about that, both the morality and the technicalities of receiving payment, in depth later on.

You reading this are the first people I’ve told. I’ve not told my parents, or any of my friends. I’ve not got a partner but if I had, I wouldn’t have told her by now either. I’m quite a private person in reality, which is why this blog is anonymous. We’ll deal with this in some depth too, later on.

Sperm donating is an unusual experience for me, to say the least. At type of publication we are a few weeks and one donation into the process. As the blog continues I hope it will find a more diary-like shape, with a few odd pieces along the way.

In addition, the enormity of what’s occurring – that I may, some way down the line, be responsible for dozens of human lives – has, as of time of writing, not yet quite sunk in, as I’ll later explain. I’m currently in a state of practicality – times, dates, fees, etc, and by extension, this blog. It’s my hope that as my thoughts and feelings about what I’m doing change as they inevitably will, I’ll post them on here as and when they come to me.

I also promise to try my very best to avoid bad euphemisms – sperm is sperm, penises are penises, and wanking is wanking from hereon in. It’s also hoped that, despite the title, I avoid any tiresome puns about the above – but no promises.

I’ve no idea how this blog will go, but it’s my intention at the close of my donation – somewhere between three and six months, it’s estimated – to turn it into a book. Privately published eBook, maybe, but certainly something solid. If you’ve any interest in publishing or serialising this blog, or want to commission me to write something fresh, please feel free to email me –cashinhandblog@hotmail.com

The above email is also if you have any comments, questions, or suggestions for blog posts. All welcome.

So that’s the introduction to the blog. Now let’s go back a few weeks to the beginning and we start my adventure swapping sperm for cash.