Sunday 24 March 2013

I Got Into Dogwalking The Same Way


So what was the catalyst for me to donate sperm in the first place? Glad you asked. The short answer is money. The long answer is paranoia.

End of January 2013 I went over to a friends' party for drinks and nibbles. And, as these events tend to go, I was offered drugs. Don't think ill of me - I'm no great drugs enthusiast. If offered at a social event I likely wouldn't refuse, but I'm not of the mindset as many of my friends have been of 'You know, I could really go for some drugs right now'. It's a rare treat, like watching children's TV, or eating pigeon. 

Anyway, flash-forward to me getting home and the drugs comedown was treating me very badly. I was left rather sleepless and paranoid for much of the rest of the weekend. The paranoia hit at its worst at three separate points, each about two hours apart as I tried to sleep. These moments of despair were related to different topics - love life, work life, money worries - and lasted only a few increasingly gloomy moments until I snapped out of them into a better mood.

It was the middle one, about money worries, which I was inspired to leap out of bed and get online seeking employment. Jobs applied for, a Google search for quick money near my location lead to a number of possibilities. Most were impossible (Rent your parking space!), unappealing (Become a dogwalker!), or too desperate to contemplate seriously (Sell your hair for use as wigs for chemotherapy patients!). But also in amongst them - sell your sperm! The paranoia about money went of the window, and paranoia about being a thirty-year old single with no future kicked in.

Maybe I should give sperm, I thought - gets the family genes passed on, with no messy relationship or responsibility necessary. Plus the very generous £35 they were offering per donation (what an advance from the twenty odd quid they offered the teenage me!) wasn't to be ignored, neither.

With what little sense I had left in my head I filled in the website's contact form, and went to sleep.

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